Getting caught up!

Yes, I have been pathetic at blogging and keeping everyone up-to-date (thanks for reminding me Ryan Woolsey...haha), but now I’ve turned a corner! Just this morning I FINALLY got caught up on my receipts and finances since the first of the year! That has been looming over my head since I moved in to my new place and I can’t tell you how great it feels to get caught up with that. Now it’s on to my blogging and my many emails and facebook comments/msgs I need to respond to.

This has been a great time leading up to Easter Sunday. I have spent a bit more time focused on reflecting and realizing what it REALLY means to celebrate Easter. Maybe it’s been better that I haven’t been around all the commercialism of the holiday. Germans still celebrate it but not near the way we do in the states. Many stores (and families) decorate, but it doesn’t seem to be as...I’m not really sure of the right word....obnoxious maybe? I don’t have people giving me Peeps or Jellybeans every time I turn around and I don’t have all the crazy green fake grass in my house that I’ll find the lasts of in November. Many of these “distractions” that I just described, I actually LOVE, but they simply take me away from the focus of what this season is all about for me. And that’s why I’ve liked it this year...I can focus!

One of the most challenging things for me in my preparation for Easter came from the book of Luke. It was after Peter claimed that he would never deny Christ and then proceeded to do it 3 times on the same night just as Jesus said would happen. Following his 3rd denial and the rooster’s crow, it says in Luke 22:61, “The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter.” I wonder what Peter saw in Jesus’ eyes. I wonder if it was compassion...sadness....disappointment...forgiveness...hope...love. And I wonder what Jesus saw as he looked in Peter’s eyes. Was it fear....sadness....disappointment....embarrassment...brokenness?

It got me thinking....as I make mistakes and mess up, as I deny Christ with either words or actions, what do I see as I look His direction? And what does he see as he looks my way? Sometimes in my humanness, I believe he looks at me with only negative eyes....with eyes full of despair, disappointment, hurt, sadness, the impossibility of me being 100% faithful. And many times I trick myself into thinking that the only thing his eyes communicate is the disappointment he must have in me. But the end of the story is not in the look that Jesus gave Peter nor is it in the look that I feel he is giving me. The end of the story comes as the rest of the weekend unfolds...

The day after “the look”, Jesus says, not with his words but with his actions, “Peter, no matter what you think you interpreted by what you saw in my eyes last night, I’m doing this so that you need no interpretation. My actions shout that I love you. That I forgive you. That I will suffer for you. That I will rise again and give you hope. And that you will be able to be restored.” No matter what I think I see as I look Jesus’ way after I fail him, I am reminded that as he hung on the tree, that one display of love, sacrifice, and forgiveness could never be misinterpreted. And that is what I’m grateful for this year. I’m grateful that Jesus turns and looks straight at me but then in the case that I might interpret the look incorrectly, he also reminds me that he loves me and that, because of him, I have hope.

Hope, love, and forgiveness....what a great time of year!